I got this motherfucking cough a few days ago. That same night I was stupid enough to have a so called big night. Stayed up late. Got drunk. Got fucked up. Called my bike a kitchen. You know one of those nights. Went to work, call center talked, went home, crashed. Woke up the next morning with absolutely no voice and the cough was horrible. It has been 3 days since I decided to go inte silence, because I CAN'T TALK. My vocal chords are fucked.  If I try talking, an airy whisper comes out. 
So here it is:
I work at a call center. So I can't work. I can't talk. I shouldnt even be whispering because it damages the vocal chords.
One of the worst parts with not having a voice is the fact that I'm stuck with my thoughts inside me head. I can't really get invovled in any discussions. I can't join in when I feel I have something to say. I just sit there. Sure I can use a paper and pen and write what I want to say, but seriously? Have you ever tried that? I have, and it takes FORfuckingEVER to write compared to just talking. By the time I have finished writing we've probably already dropped that subject and started to talk about something totally different. 
I can't answer polite greeting phrases, so people in stores and my flat mates' friends probably think I'm rude and weird. They say hello, I wave and smile. They ask how I am, I thumbs up them and smile and nod at them. They say bye and have a nice day, I point at them and then make the peace sign (like saying You 2) wave and smile. Retarded.
My friends are used to being around a talkative and louder Elin, but now I'm just silent. So of course they ask me like 1000000 times "Are you ok?". In my mind I'm thinking: NO I AM NOT FUCKING OK. I CAN'T FUCKING TALK, YOU FUCK. But I nod, smile, point at my throat and make an ugly face. And I have to remind them once again about the fact that my voice is still M.I.A. 

The only "good" thing with not having a voice is that for once I am pretty silent in bed while fucking,
so no neighbors are complaining. For now.

Number of cups of swedish coffee I have left: 3
Number of I can't talks: 3
Number of smiles: 4
Number of fucks: 6
Number of actual fucks: 1
Number of fucks given: 0
Another big night which cost me my voice. 

Postat av: melonas


2015-02-10 @ 21:54:22

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